a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize