walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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