RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
