We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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