dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
