If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I will die if light touches me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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