u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
