i just wanna soil my oats bro
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
