i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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