I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it's like heaven, but drunker
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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