How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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