Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
