I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
