my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
