physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
