Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize