Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
