just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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