i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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