Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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