you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize