I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
