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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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