How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
