If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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