she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
