Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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