Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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