So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize