I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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