I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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