I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
