Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
