She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
