so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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