It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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