come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
