I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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