Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I died a long time ago.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Randomize
