I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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