What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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