After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
