census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
