i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
