You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
