She said her name was "party"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
