I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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