I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
