We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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