I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
