So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize