I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
...so i touched it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am midnight drunk by noon
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
