I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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