never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
