i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
