Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
