I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
