Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well I just put wine in my tea
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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