Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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