When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
