i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
