she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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