You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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