are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
