She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
