Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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