My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
