This is not my ceiling
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
