Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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