so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
