I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
