pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
