Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish you could order shots online.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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