I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
